Read my Co-Parenting story!
I am on a journey as I continue to heal from my divorce that took place several years ago.
Here is one thing I did:
1. I made a conscious decision to LIVE. At first it was a difficult decision because I loved my ex and I did not want to be a single mother. But as time went by, I was determined to keep my son alive and minimized the effects of single parenting as much as I was able.
To read more from my latest BMWK post, click here!
I haven’t yet written about my celibate life and why I’m on this journey for eight years so far. So here’s why.
1. I am a Christian, and I firmly believe in the Bible. Hebrews 13:4, NKJV states: “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” I know it’s considered ancient, outdated and very “Cleaverish” to believe in or to practice celibacy based on the Bible, but I also have other reasons which are listed below.
2. I don’t have to live in fear of picking up a STD or getting pregnant unexpectedly. I know there are “precautions” that we can use and many of them work well when used properly, but there are MANY people who thought they were safe and were still “caught”. As one of my social media friends pointed out recently, we save a LOT of money when we don’t have to purchase birth control or condoms or take frequent tests to ensure that we did not pick up a disease. I don’t think the 15 minutes of pleasure is worth the angst that follows thereafter.
3. My heart is free. The issue of soul ties where we are intimately connected to everyone we’ve ever slept with is REAL. Having to untangle my heart and my soul from several men is, thankfully, something I am not struggling with at this time. I had to work through that issue when my divorce was finalized, which was a tough situation. With healing comes the realization that I don’t want to go down that path again unnecessarily (or EVER).
4. My conscience is clear. It is human nature to rationalize what we want to accept, whether it is the right thing to do or not. I’m very hard on myself in many areas of life because I want to reach higher and grow wiser and stronger in Christ. If I need to justify my behavior to feel good about myself even at the expense of my testimony and my relationship with God, I think I would lose that fight. Because God created marriage as the context for intimacy and procreation, as a single woman I have asked Him to help me honor my vow to live out His Word.
5. I’m setting an example for my son and for others to follow. We can live fulfilled, pleasurable and productive lives without sex (which includes masturbation and viewing pornography). We are free to pursue our purpose when we are not focusing all our energies on satiating our feelings and desires.
Are there challenges in maintaining celibacy? Of course! I’m human and I was married before, so I know what intimacy is like. Even before I was married (I was a virgin on my wedding day) I still struggled to maintain my virginity up to the age of 25.
Some of us have asked why has God given us these urges if we weren’t supposed to act on them. I think of it in this way: We are given appetites for food, for sex and for other things. If we act on our appetites inappropriately, we reap the consequences of those actions. If we eat at the wrong times (e.g. too late at night) or if we eat the wrong foods OR too much food, we will experience weight and health issues. If we eat in the proper context (eating to live versus living to eat), we maintain a healthy weight with fewer health issues. In that same way, practicing restraint in sexual activities and keeping it within the context that God created it for (which is marriage) makes it fun and a GOOD thing! When children are conceived in a healthy marriage there is a secure nuclear unit, which is the ideal home environment for them.
I am determined to keep the big picture always in the forefront. I am willing to sacrifice a momentary pleasure that has the ability to derail the rest of my life and I am choosing instead to WAIT until God sends Mr. Right in my direction.
I recommend these pages for more information and encouragement on your journey to celibacy:
I started on a new journey 4 years exactly, almost to the date. I remember my nervousness as I packed my things and those of my son and made a quick exit on a rainy fall night. I was nervous because it seemed crazy to those who were outsiders looking in that I would leave what seemed like a perfect situation. But those who lived inside knew that it was only a facade. Very little was real aside from the fact that we were human beings using our correct (“government”) names.
I am noticing that it’s the little things that really matter on most days of our lives.
In the grand scheme of things it’s those moments of quiet reflection, such as when I stop to look into my son’s eyes to affirm him, or during those moments when I smile with someone else’s little girl or boy (or baby) that really matters.
We want to do BIG things and fulfill our wildest dreams, but while we are on that path to success let us not forget to pay close attention to those whom may seem insignificant or unimportant at first. Just imagine, those small moments of impartation may be the fuel that propels others to fulfill their dreams! Long after you have parted company, know that you have left an indelible impression on someone else.
Make that impression a positive one – one that can last for all eternity.
It takes some focusing and discipline, but you will feel the warmth of encouraging another person with your smile and your kind words or actions.
I see it every day with my son.
I pray you will see it in your lives too.
I have taken mental notes on my life lately, and one lesson I have learned is the importance of getting up after falling down and not allowing life’s setbacks to prevent us from staying on-track.
For those who were unaware, I suffered a serious fall earlier this week that took me off my feet for about 3.5 days.