Exciting Upcoming Event! Mark Your Calendars!

Hi!

Are you unmarried and live in (or near) New Jersey? We have a solution for you. Come and spend an evening with New Jersey Singles Empowerment (www.empowerednjsingles.com) and meet new people!

Music, Dinner Buffet, Networking and Discussions on Friday May 26 at 6:30pm. Dressy casual; no sneakers. Register at singlessocialmixer.eventbrite.com today!

I can’t wait to meet you! See you there!

 

From a Single Christian Woman’s Perspective

Recently, one of my Facebook friends hosted a FB Live session to speak about singleness. He’s a young, unmarried man (in his late 20’s) who is also a licensed minister at his local church. His concerns about the struggles that singles face, and how much being single may have affected his position in ministry were palpable.

On the following day I reflected on his video, and recorded my companion video(s) in response. Check out Part 1 here. Part 2 starts here.

Here are some thoughts from my video(s), in no particular order:

  1. Singleness seems to be a bigger challenge when you are in church leadership (I’m a minister), since you are held to higher standards. This is especially true for me as a mom, because I want to set the right example for my son.
  2. Divorcees are treated like the “black sheep” of the family in many churches. I think widows/widowers are treated better, since their spouses died. Overall, being single again sometimes feels like being ostracized.
  3. Once a young person in the church hits puberty, they are typically chased around about staying pure (i.e. no sex) and focusing on God until they graduate from college. Then, in many cases, they are dropped off to manage the single arena alone without support or guidance. Many singles then feel lost once they get to that stage.
  4. Churches and church leaders seem afraid to discuss topics that apply to their local singles. They seem hesitant to help us navigate the world of singleness. I believe it could be because they cannot relate to our struggles, since most church leaders are married.
  5. Spiritualizing everything that singles are feeling and handling doesn’t work, nor is it necessary.
  6. We may need to come up with our own solutions to help us manage the frustrations in being single.

Several of us expressed interest in following up on this important discussion. My Facebook friend suggested focus groups, but the participants must be willing to be transparent for them to be effective.

I will share updates to this discussion as soon as they are available.

 

11.11.2016: What Is It All About???

 

If you saw my earlier blog, you realized that something special was on its way for unmarried people in or near New Jersey. Here it is!!!

Unmarried_OfficialFlyer

Come and join us for honest, open conversation (you can ask questions), with a Mix & Mingle segment on Friday, November 11, 2016 at First Baptist Church of Hillside NJ! The Mix & Mingle starts at 6:45pm with free refreshments, followed by the main event at 8pm. We will open with Praise & Worship from Seth Nix & Genuine Praise (videosFacebook). The conversations will be real……our guests keep it real when they share.

Our guest panelists will be:

Pastor Jerry & Tanisha Flowers of Redefined TV (videos & Facebook)

Kenyon & Taccara Martin of Empowered Couples (videos & Facebook)

Edward & Debbie Smith of MEET THE SMITHS (videos & Facebook)

All the speakers are focused on helping us who want marriage to be better prepared.

Click HERE to register. The entire event is only $20!!! I’d love to see you there!

Helping Unmarried People…..

Are you unmarried? Save the date: 11.11.2016!

Hi everyone!

It’s been a while since I posted something new, so I think it’s time to stop in and share.

I’ve been quite busy; you may have seen my flyer to “Save The Date: 11.11.2016” for New Jersey Christian Singles. My heart has been stirred significantly over the past 3 + years to help unmarried individuals take their lives off “pause” and live full, free and energetic lives. I’ve come across several people who are just existing, and who will go from work, to home, to church, to the nearest Starbucks, to the gym, and then back home – every week, every month, and every year. When your schedule is always the same, and when you aren’t open to trying something different or new, then it’s possible to fall into a rut that may leave you dissatisfied and, frankly, bored. And…if you’re hoping to meet a compatible partner, he or she won’t notice you if you aren’t out there, actively involved and doing things you enjoy.

The organization I’m now a part of (name announcement is coming!) will help us to come together periodically to network, laugh, learn and grow. If your church or group is in or around New Jersey and has an active singles ministry/network, consider inviting them to save the date as well. Pay attention, because the details will be released shortly and you’ll be glad you reserved the date on your calendar!

I’m EXCITED!

Stay Tuned!

Save The Date - 11-11-16

TOSC – Sign up before midnight tonight!!!!

Hi!

If you saw yesterday’s post, I mentioned TOSC, the 100% online singles conference coming up at the end of this week – Friday, March 11 and Saturday, March 12.

Jamal and Natasha Ann Miller, conference hosts, invited well-known experts and married couples to share valuable information with those of us who are single and want a healthy marriage someday.

To take advantage of the current pricing of $97, click on the link HERE before midnight tonight!

After midnight, the price will increase to $147 per person.

Don’t miss the current price of $97! 
Check out the flyer for the lineup, and I’ll “see” you there on Friday and Saturday!

Final-Price-Countdown-Tonight-1

Boundaries and Relationships

I’ve spent a lot of time evaluating personal boundaries and relationships of all kinds: family, romantic, work, etc.

One thing that has stood out for me as a key item is the importance of erecting and maintaining personal boundaries. When I think of boundaries, I think of a house with a picket fence or wire fence around the yard – with a gate. Boundaries keep things that belong inside, inside; and what belongs outside, outside. I also think of our bodies; our skin is a boundary. Skin keeps things covered and prevents unwanted and harmful things from getting inside our bodies.

So, boundaries act as barriers. Things can go in and out of boundaries, but on a regulated basis. If something breaches a good boundary, there will be some type of consequence. If we refer to my examples, the fence with the gate is the main access portal into the yard of that home. Then, after you access the yard, you will still need to get through the door to gain proper access inside the home. If someone decides to jump over the fence, or tear it down in some way, then break the door down (or break in through a window), these are unwanted and undesired methods of accessing the yard and home. The owner can call the police, or they may have a dog in the yard that can help the intruder understand that proper access is necessary when crossing the boundaries. Breaching good boundaries will have consequences. Also, for the skin: if someone gets cut, the blood comes out, but platelets (which includes white blood cells and clotting agents) immediately start to work to “plug” the cut. In this way, the breach is repaired to prevent further damage to the body.

As we review these examples, let’s look at our boundaries. It’s necessary to place boundaries around ourselves, our hearts, our personal lives, and our finances. We cannot be all things to all people. There is a limit to what we should allow in our presence, or what we should accept from others. Respect, kindness, fairness, consideration, etc., are attributes that we should offer, expect, and receive from others. When they are not received, we must first evaluate the situation, and then with wisdom and tact we must address the breach if it continues. If the breach continues, we must find ways to minimize or eliminate the source. This is how we maintain our boundaries. If we allow others to cross our boundaries in “illegal” ways continually, then they will be ignored and trampled. This is no different than someone’s home being robbed repeatedly; the thieves know that the owner is not being vigilant and will repeatedly attack their property without fear of barriers being erected to stop them.

So, if your heart is trampled  repeatedly by someone who says they love you, and you accept it over and over, you must find the courage to stop the breach and close the wound. If there are issues where your rights are being dismantled before your eyes and you allow it, the person or institution will assume that you are guilty of what you are being accused of, or that you feel powerless to change the situation and will not fight back. You are the only one who can reverse that tide.  If someone is misusing your funds, or stealing from you, set up measures to stop it – or reverse it.

There are so many ways that we allow boundary breaches and then we pretend to like the outcomes that occur as a result. Sometimes we may feel helpless, as victims of abusers often feel. But here’s the thing: an abuser can only misuse someone who allows them to do so. Although it may be difficult to leave an abuser (of any kind) or stop their unwanted behavior, we must be bold, wise and strong and walk away. If it’s a situation where you cannot leave immediately (e.g. a hostile work situation without another means of income), create an escape plan and act on it as soon as possible.

Just know this: strong boundaries are important and necessary for healthy, long-term relationships of every type. Without good boundaries we will be bleeding into the streets, and our belongings (literally & figuratively) will be misused and abused by those who have no right to access them.

If you’ve discovered that your boundaries are broken and they seem to be destroyed beyond repair, get help from a professional. Everyone deserves to be respected, and hearts deserve to be protected from those who disregard boundaries.