TOSC – Sign up before midnight tonight!!!!

Hi!

If you saw yesterday’s post, I mentioned TOSC, the 100% online singles conference coming up at the end of this week – Friday, March 11 and Saturday, March 12.

Jamal and Natasha Ann Miller, conference hosts, invited well-known experts and married couples to share valuable information with those of us who are single and want a healthy marriage someday.

To take advantage of the current pricing of $97, click on the link HERE before midnight tonight!

After midnight, the price will increase to $147 per person.

Don’t miss the current price of $97! 
Check out the flyer for the lineup, and I’ll “see” you there on Friday and Saturday!

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My Surprise Discovery in Relationships

I’ve been single (again) for a while; in fact, I’m approaching 10 years of separation and almost 9 years of being divorced. This journey has been by far the most rewarding aspect of my life, because the level of personal growth has amazed me. I must emphasize though that it isn’t “fun” being a divorcee or being the participant in a failed marriage. That feeling intensifies when I look at my now towering son, wishing things were otherwise. (Thankfully, he and his dad have a good relationship.)

So, I’ve recently made a startling discovery as I begin the journey to “not be single” – and that discovery is buried pain. Because I came from an emotionally abusive situation, I realized I needed to have a way (or two) to let the pain out and to begin the journey to heal. I signed up for counseling and went religiously for a few years. I started to blog (which is why this blog exists). I started sharing some of my lessons learned in convos with family members and friends.

As time went on, I had the strength to get back out and become active again; I started singing in the choir, teaching Sunday School, volunteering on the dental van for the company I used to work for, traveling, and so on. I even signed up the lil guy for sports. I felt I was doing well.

Now, as I’ve opened up my heart to someone new, some of the pain that I thought was resolved started rearing its ugly head. Things that I thought I’d never see again, reappeared. I was not ready for that, and wondered what happened to all the time of counseling, journaling, praying, crying, fasting and so on.

I think I know what happened: I am still on a journey towards healing, but without being in that situation, you won’t know how complete the healing is.

Think of someone playing a sport and spraining or breaking an ankle. They are carried off the field or court and to the ER. X-rays find the extent of the damage; they receive a cast or a wrap, and they are given instructions on how to manage the injury. They may also receive pain meds to take the edge off. In about 6 weeks they return to remove the cast. X-rays show that the bone or ligament is mended. The X-rays may show this fact (the healing), but the true test occurs when that athlete goes back out there and attempts to run, jump, kick or whatever they need to do. Pain may occur. Does it mean that the X-rays were telling lies? Was the machine faulty in what it displayed to the doctor or X-ray technician? No! Healing did take place, but now the ankle needs to be strengthened and conditioned to get it back to where it was (or stronger)! So the next step needs to be some type of physical therapy, and strengthening exercises. Once the athlete has completed required conditioning for their ankle, they will be able to run, kick, jump and do whatever else they need to do, and probably even better than before.

So here’s my heart; I have gone through the process of healing. My spirit is no longer hostile towards my ex-spouse. I can honestly say that I care what happens to him as the father of our son. So these feelings that resurfaced may just mean that my heart needs some conditioning and possibly more therapy as I adjust to changes.

I can also say this: anyone who has been through a traumatic situation must consider the importance of continued counseling. Get things off your mind, heart and spirit so that you can grow and become all that you need to be. Also, if you are dating seriously, talk through your fears or issues with that person so they can begin to understand your response to things. Here is another important point: Do not neglect or ignore pre-marital counseling. In fact, I highly recommend pre-engagement counseling as well so you are assured that you are heading in the right direction with your intended. This is highly recommended for people who want to marry again.

So that’s all, until next time!

My Journey Continues: How I’m Continuing to Heal from Divorce

I am on a journey as I continue to heal from my divorce that took place several years ago.

Here is one thing I did:

1. I made a conscious decision to LIVE. At first it was a difficult decision because I loved my ex and I did not want to be a single mother. But as time went by, I was determined to keep my son alive and minimized the effects of single parenting as much as I was able.

To read more from my latest BMWK post, click here!

 

 

5 Powerful Reasons to Get Married

This post is currently featured on BMWK!

http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2014/03/5-powerful-reasons-to-get-married/

Many singles (especially our ladies) dream of the day when they will walk down the aisle with their lover and friend, exchange vows before friends and family, throw an amazing reception, and drive (or fly) away to a time of seclusion and romance for a week or two. But, beautiful wedding aside, are we ready to consider why we should get married? Is there more to marriage than a well-planned wedding and romantic honeymoon?

Let us take a close look at five great reasons to consider getting married.

1. Committed companionship. It has been said that no-one usually gets married to go through divorce. The traditional marriage vows state “‘Til death do us part” and honestly, most of us who want to marry desire to live out our vows until death. Knowing that your spouse is 100% committed to the marriage and that you are also as committed puts many fears to rest. It’s easy to be vulnerable and confident in all aspects of the marriage when both are assured that they are each other’s only lover and best friend.

2. Strong Families. So many statistics speak to the strength of a family where children are raised with both parents within the same home. The children are typically more confident/secure, do well in school and are typically healthier (especially emotionally). A family that is built on a strong marital foundation is powerful indeed!

3. Partnership. Instead of having to make all major decisions alone, both can sit down together and come up with creative, workable solutions. It is an amazing thing to watch couples who are able to strategize and make things flow. Ideas on how to save money, how to reduce debt, and how best to handle issues that arise makes it easier to face life’s challenges. For couples who work together like our founders Ronnie and Lamar, the power of partnership definitely has a deeper meaning. The skills and strengths of each spouse helps to balance business decisions and the execution of ideas, which can translate into significant financial security. Dependable partnership makes life truly enjoyable!

4. Personal supporter. Knowing that you have your own personal cheerleader in your corner makes it easier to face challenges or manage everyday life. Whether it is launching into a new career, battling an illness or raising children, the cheers from your personal supporter can make the difference between giving up and pushing forward one more day.

5. Exclusivity. With 100% commitment from both parties, exclusive sex is a powerful reason to desire marriage. With the rise in STDs and emotional complications from sexual soul ties, having an exclusive lover to enjoy whenever you want to is definitely something to treasure. When both partners have made the commitment to not go anywhere else for sexual satisfaction, sex becomes more enjoyable. There is an openness in exclusive marital relationships that isn’t typically found elsewhere.

Marriage is an exciting milestone that many singles desire to experience. Can you think of other powerful reasons to get married?