Category: Accountability

Celibacy – Why I Live That Life

I haven’t yet written about my celibate life and why I’m on this journey for eight years so far. So here’s why.

1. I am a Christian, and I firmly believe in the Bible. Hebrews 13:4, NKJV states: “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” I know it’s considered ancient, outdated and very “Cleaverish” to believe in or to practice celibacy based on the Bible, but I also have other reasons which are listed below.

2. I don’t have to live in fear of picking up a STD or getting pregnant unexpectedly. I know there are “precautions” that we can use and many of them work well when used properly, but there are MANY people who thought they were safe and were still “caught”. As one of my social media friends pointed out recently, we save a LOT of money when we don’t have to purchase birth control or condoms or take frequent tests to ensure that we did not pick up a disease. I don’t think the 15 minutes of pleasure is worth the angst that follows thereafter.

3. My heart is free. The issue of soul ties where we are intimately connected to everyone we’ve ever slept with is REAL. Having to untangle my heart and my soul from several men is, thankfully, something I am not struggling with at this time. I had to work through that issue when my divorce was finalized, which was a tough situation. With healing comes the realization that I don’t want to go down that path again unnecessarily (or EVER).

4. My conscience is clear. It is human nature to rationalize what we want to accept, whether it is the right thing to do or not. I’m very hard on myself in many areas of life because I want to reach higher and grow wiser and stronger in Christ. If I need to justify my behavior to feel good about myself even at the expense of my testimony and my relationship with God, I think I would lose that fight.  Because God created marriage as the context for intimacy and procreation, as a single woman I have asked Him to help me honor my vow to live out His Word.

5. I’m setting an example for my son and for others to follow. We can live fulfilled, pleasurable and productive lives without sex (which includes masturbation and viewing pornography). We are free to pursue our purpose when we are not focusing all our energies on satiating our feelings and desires.

Are there challenges in maintaining celibacy? Of course! I’m human and I was married before, so I know what intimacy is like. Even before I was married (I was a virgin on my wedding day) I still struggled to maintain my virginity up to the age of 25.

Some of us have asked why has God given us these urges if we weren’t supposed to act on them. I think of it in this way: We are given appetites for food, for sex and for other things. If we act on our appetites inappropriately, we reap the consequences of those actions. If we eat at the wrong times (e.g. too late at night) or if we eat the wrong foods OR too much food, we will experience weight and health issues. If we eat in the proper context (eating to live versus living to eat), we maintain a healthy weight with fewer health issues. In that same way, practicing restraint in sexual activities and keeping it within the context that God created it for (which is marriage) makes it fun and a GOOD thing! When children are conceived in a healthy marriage there is a secure nuclear unit, which is the ideal home environment for them.

I am determined to keep the big picture always in the forefront. I am willing to sacrifice a momentary pleasure that has the ability to derail the rest of my life and I am choosing instead to WAIT until God sends Mr. Right in my direction.

I recommend these pages for more information and encouragement on your journey to celibacy:

http://celibacyissexy.com

http://www.pinkypromisemovement.com

https://twitter.com/NoSexMovement

https://www.facebook.com/WorthTheWaitMinistries

https://www.facebook.com/DatingandWaiting

http://abstinencematters.com/

Humility While Leading Others

Written in July 2007 based on circumstances I was experiencing. This piece is still relevant in many circles (especially in our churches) today!

 

I have not been in many leadership positions (I think mainly because I am quite shy), but I have always been intrigued with leaders and I watch them very closely. What I now notice as a common trend is the tendency for leaders to become overconfident in their abilities and in their judgment.

I am certain that many start out shaking in their boots at the task that was laid before them on accepting the role, but as the years passed and certain decisions were successfully made, they become more confident in their ability to lead in that position. Then over time, they began to cross the line….

They may forget that they are also fallible humans, even if others around them are following them or subordinate to them. They may speak to others unkindly and discount others’ opinions (which may be valid ideas or suggestions). They may misjudge character based on their own perceptions and not based on the truth of a matter. They may think that everyone else has “that problem” or “those problems”, but not them. They may have others watching someone they do not trust or whom they think will hurt them or their interests, and manipulation of circumstances and people becomes the norm.

Family life may disintegrate if they take their headiness home with them (and usually, they will). Throwing one’s weight around to show “Who’s boss” may become the order of the day after a while, causing fear and insecurity to take root in the family.

But then, one day it all comes to an end. Why, because God has heard the cries of those who are hurting because of the leadership style they have adopted. Also, God will intervene because of arrogance, which He hates. Proverbs 16:18 states, “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” Many times such leaders are sure they will never be reprimanded or caught or stripped bare, so they are usually caught by surprise when it happens.

Let us recall Nebuchadnezzar, the king who hardened his heart and craved worship that rightfully ONLY belonged (and still ONLY belongs) to God. He received several warnings until he was given a final warning, which he scoffed. He was sent to crawl on all fours for seven years, living in the wilderness like a wild animal. Once the seven years passed, his right mind came back to him and he acknowledged that God was indeed the only God deserving of worship. (Read the entire chapter of Daniel 4 in the Holy Bible.)

I grieve for some leaders who I am now submitted to in several situations. Please help me pray that they will heed the voice of the Lord (no matter what vessel God uses to deliver His Word) and will allow Him to be the only One who receives the worship and praise He truly deserves.

Let us pray:

Oh God, have mercy on our leaders. Give them humble hearts, hearts willing to learn and submit to Your authority. May they allow you to have free course in their lives. May they never take the credit for anything they have been able to lead successfully, knowing that the success is only granted because You allowed it to be so. And help them to learn about and be mindful of the story of King Nebuchadnezzar and several current examples (in churches and in corporations) we have today.

May we all allow you to have our hearts completely and to stay humble before You both now and forever.