Exciting Upcoming Event! Mark Your Calendars!

Hi!

Are you unmarried and live in (or near) New Jersey? We have a solution for you. Come and spend an evening with New Jersey Singles Empowerment (www.empowerednjsingles.com) and meet new people!

Music, Dinner Buffet, Networking and Discussions on Friday May 26 at 6:30pm. Dressy casual; no sneakers. Register at singlessocialmixer.eventbrite.com today!

I can’t wait to meet you! See you there!

 

From a Single Christian Woman’s Perspective

Recently, one of my Facebook friends hosted a FB Live session to speak about singleness. He’s a young, unmarried man (in his late 20’s) who is also a licensed minister at his local church. His concerns about the struggles that singles face, and how much being single may have affected his position in ministry were palpable.

On the following day I reflected on his video, and recorded my companion video(s) in response. Check out Part 1 here. Part 2 starts here.

Here are some thoughts from my video(s), in no particular order:

  1. Singleness seems to be a bigger challenge when you are in church leadership (I’m a minister), since you are held to higher standards. This is especially true for me as a mom, because I want to set the right example for my son.
  2. Divorcees are treated like the “black sheep” of the family in many churches. I think widows/widowers are treated better, since their spouses died. Overall, being single again sometimes feels like being ostracized.
  3. Once a young person in the church hits puberty, they are typically chased around about staying pure (i.e. no sex) and focusing on God until they graduate from college. Then, in many cases, they are dropped off to manage the single arena alone without support or guidance. Many singles then feel lost once they get to that stage.
  4. Churches and church leaders seem afraid to discuss topics that apply to their local singles. They seem hesitant to help us navigate the world of singleness. I believe it could be because they cannot relate to our struggles, since most church leaders are married.
  5. Spiritualizing everything that singles are feeling and handling doesn’t work, nor is it necessary.
  6. We may need to come up with our own solutions to help us manage the frustrations in being single.

Several of us expressed interest in following up on this important discussion. My Facebook friend suggested focus groups, but the participants must be willing to be transparent for them to be effective.

I will share updates to this discussion as soon as they are available.

 

11.11.2016: What Is It All About???

 

If you saw my earlier blog, you realized that something special was on its way for unmarried people in or near New Jersey. Here it is!!!

Unmarried_OfficialFlyer

Come and join us for honest, open conversation (you can ask questions), with a Mix & Mingle segment on Friday, November 11, 2016 at First Baptist Church of Hillside NJ! The Mix & Mingle starts at 6:45pm with free refreshments, followed by the main event at 8pm. We will open with Praise & Worship from Seth Nix & Genuine Praise (videosFacebook). The conversations will be real……our guests keep it real when they share.

Our guest panelists will be:

Pastor Jerry & Tanisha Flowers of Redefined TV (videos & Facebook)

Kenyon & Taccara Martin of Empowered Couples (videos & Facebook)

Edward & Debbie Smith of MEET THE SMITHS (videos & Facebook)

All the speakers are focused on helping us who want marriage to be better prepared.

Click HERE to register. The entire event is only $20!!! I’d love to see you there!

Helping Unmarried People…..

Are you unmarried? Save the date: 11.11.2016!

Hi everyone!

It’s been a while since I posted something new, so I think it’s time to stop in and share.

I’ve been quite busy; you may have seen my flyer to “Save The Date: 11.11.2016” for New Jersey Christian Singles. My heart has been stirred significantly over the past 3 + years to help unmarried individuals take their lives off “pause” and live full, free and energetic lives. I’ve come across several people who are just existing, and who will go from work, to home, to church, to the nearest Starbucks, to the gym, and then back home – every week, every month, and every year. When your schedule is always the same, and when you aren’t open to trying something different or new, then it’s possible to fall into a rut that may leave you dissatisfied and, frankly, bored. And…if you’re hoping to meet a compatible partner, he or she won’t notice you if you aren’t out there, actively involved and doing things you enjoy.

The organization I’m now a part of (name announcement is coming!) will help us to come together periodically to network, laugh, learn and grow. If your church or group is in or around New Jersey and has an active singles ministry/network, consider inviting them to save the date as well. Pay attention, because the details will be released shortly and you’ll be glad you reserved the date on your calendar!

I’m EXCITED!

Stay Tuned!

Save The Date - 11-11-16

Radio Interview TONIGHT!

Hi everyone,

Happy New Year! I pray that all you’ve dreamed for and worked for will come to fruition this year. Many of you are working on expanding your horizons and reach; I am doing the same thing. Tonight (Monday, January 4) I will be interviewed by Erica Michelle at 9pm ET on blogtalkradio.

Issues of the Heart Radio Interview - BlogTalkRadio
Issues of the Heart Radio Interview – BlogTalkRadio

Dialing and link information are included in the attached flyer.

Join me as I share from my book, “I’m Single. Now What? 13 Steps on How to Live Single and Free.” 

I am very excited about this interview! I look forward to you joining us TONIGHT as we share to help our listeners and supporters.

“See” you there!

My Surprise Discovery in Relationships

I’ve been single (again) for a while; in fact, I’m approaching 10 years of separation and almost 9 years of being divorced. This journey has been by far the most rewarding aspect of my life, because the level of personal growth has amazed me. I must emphasize though that it isn’t “fun” being a divorcee or being the participant in a failed marriage. That feeling intensifies when I look at my now towering son, wishing things were otherwise. (Thankfully, he and his dad have a good relationship.)

So, I’ve recently made a startling discovery as I begin the journey to “not be single” – and that discovery is buried pain. Because I came from an emotionally abusive situation, I realized I needed to have a way (or two) to let the pain out and to begin the journey to heal. I signed up for counseling and went religiously for a few years. I started to blog (which is why this blog exists). I started sharing some of my lessons learned in convos with family members and friends.

As time went on, I had the strength to get back out and become active again; I started singing in the choir, teaching Sunday School, volunteering on the dental van for the company I used to work for, traveling, and so on. I even signed up the lil guy for sports. I felt I was doing well.

Now, as I’ve opened up my heart to someone new, some of the pain that I thought was resolved started rearing its ugly head. Things that I thought I’d never see again, reappeared. I was not ready for that, and wondered what happened to all the time of counseling, journaling, praying, crying, fasting and so on.

I think I know what happened: I am still on a journey towards healing, but without being in that situation, you won’t know how complete the healing is.

Think of someone playing a sport and spraining or breaking an ankle. They are carried off the field or court and to the ER. X-rays find the extent of the damage; they receive a cast or a wrap, and they are given instructions on how to manage the injury. They may also receive pain meds to take the edge off. In about 6 weeks they return to remove the cast. X-rays show that the bone or ligament is mended. The X-rays may show this fact (the healing), but the true test occurs when that athlete goes back out there and attempts to run, jump, kick or whatever they need to do. Pain may occur. Does it mean that the X-rays were telling lies? Was the machine faulty in what it displayed to the doctor or X-ray technician? No! Healing did take place, but now the ankle needs to be strengthened and conditioned to get it back to where it was (or stronger)! So the next step needs to be some type of physical therapy, and strengthening exercises. Once the athlete has completed required conditioning for their ankle, they will be able to run, kick, jump and do whatever else they need to do, and probably even better than before.

So here’s my heart; I have gone through the process of healing. My spirit is no longer hostile towards my ex-spouse. I can honestly say that I care what happens to him as the father of our son. So these feelings that resurfaced may just mean that my heart needs some conditioning and possibly more therapy as I adjust to changes.

I can also say this: anyone who has been through a traumatic situation must consider the importance of continued counseling. Get things off your mind, heart and spirit so that you can grow and become all that you need to be. Also, if you are dating seriously, talk through your fears or issues with that person so they can begin to understand your response to things. Here is another important point: Do not neglect or ignore pre-marital counseling. In fact, I highly recommend pre-engagement counseling as well so you are assured that you are heading in the right direction with your intended. This is highly recommended for people who want to marry again.

So that’s all, until next time!

The Problem with Loving a Certain Type when Dating

Those who know me know that I have a passion to help singles live authentic, fulfilled lives. I am also single (divorced), so I’ve incorporated lessons that I’ve learned into my own life. One lesson that a lot of singles are beginning to learn is that of loving the person whom God has sent to them.

Let me explain. Many of us (this seems to apply mostly to women) have a “type” that we want to fall in love with,  settle down with and have model-status babies with. You know, the tall, caramel-colored man with slightly curly hair, tight abs and a nice bank account. He lives in a gated community and drives a high-end luxury car or SUV (or both). His bank account is healthy, and he works at a Fortune 100 company. His aquiline features make every woman swoon. Yes. HIM. That one. FYNE!

Well, take a look around you. Are you living the type of life that you’re looking for? Are your abs tight? Are you also living in a gated community with a couple of high-end cars parked in your underground garage? Is your bank account healthy? Heck, are you healthy? If you aren’t what you’re looking for, don’t think for a moment that you will be able to get it. Sometimes people of different backgrounds or different pay grade levels may get together, but typically this relationship will work if the other person commits to working to raise their standards of living or to challenge themselves to achieve more out of life. Also, while still single, be willing to make life-changes just for YOU so that you can enjoy the selection of a different category of men.

And another thing: Make the effort to love those who have the capacity and the desire to love you with all their hearts. We’re learning that many of the tall, caramel, six-pack guys realize that they are a “nice catch” and make every effort not to get “caught” in a long-term relationship or marriage. If they know they can get 100 more women over the next year or two, why settle down with just one? We chase those types, and then the men who may not have everything in place but who have hearts of gold are overlooked, ignored and also disrespected by some of us. This also means we are overlooking at least 70% of the available men as the average height for most men is under 6 feet tall.

We are also known for “friend-zoning” good, single men because they aren’t our “type”. There’s that word again.  Just know that friendships build the strongest foundation for lovers, because when physical intimacy isn’t possible or when friction occurs, your friendship will be one of your main anchors within the relationship.

Let us pay closer attention to the men in our lives. Are you ignoring Mr. Right because he isn’t your “type”?