I wrote this piece in July 2007 but it is just as relevant for me today.
My heart is burdened now. Have you ever wished all the best for others, but you get the feeling that those same people don’t feel the same way about you?
Have you ever felt alone at a time when you ought to be excited and you should be able to share your excitement with others? Have you ever wondered what did you do for you to feel this way, how did you do what you thought you did, and so on?
Well, hey…. All I can say is, God knows me best. God has a plan for my life, no matter who or what may oppose or object. God is in control of my every move, and I make it known: I refuse to do or say anything that isn’t directed of God. I must breathe Him in; I must feel His presence near me, or I perish. I truly believe He is speaking to me even more than He’s ever spoken to me, mostly because I’m listening a lot better now.
So, where am I going? God has begun to show me bit by bit where I’m heading, and it is too awesome to describe. He’s shown me that I will have a huge impact here on earth. And I embrace that. He sent his servants here to my church two weeks ago to show me and confirm to me what I’ve felt in my spirit for so long. Things I hadn’t told a soul, God confirmed it.
So, I believe the separation issue is one where God gets a chance to be closer to me than ever before, because He’s the only One to Whom I can talk freely.
Others may think they know where I’m going, what I’m doing and why I’m doing it, but God and I are really the only ones who know. (And, in all honesty, God is the One Who truly knows. He’s only telling me stuff on a “need to know” basis.) My calling is unique, so my path must reflect my destiny. I must learn some lessons, meet some people, and experience some things. And God will be there all the way while I do what I need to do.
I don’t expect everyone to agree or to understand, but this is who I am; this is who I am becoming. For many years I’ve lived in the shadow of others, seeking their approval for every step I took and for every decision I made. I have many regrets because of this. But now I’m heading down a unique path, so those days are over. I must now truly “get it” on my own. If I was not walking according to His will, He would not be speaking to me so much! He’d be telling me to repent, etc. But that is not what I am hearing….
To God be the glory, because He is using my life and will continue to use my life to bring glory to His holy name. Yesterday, Mark 11 vs. 23 and 24 caught my attention after I had a heart-to-heart discussion with Him on this subject. Then later in the day, Mark 11 vs. 22 also caught my attention. Verse 22 says, “Have faith in God.” It then discussed believing and not doubting and commanding the mountain to cast itself into the sea and it would happen. Verse 24 states, “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” I was ready to dance when I read this, but I had leave my car and go inside to work….
Now, that’s POWERFUL. And if my desire is to please the Lord in everything, big, small and in-between, then having faith in God must give me the right desires for the right things, as everything would be lining up. My will would then become His will, so my desires would become His desires towards me.
So, why should I worry that others think I’m making huge mistakes with my life? Why should I feel inadequate, thinking that I don’t know the voice of God for myself and thus allow others to imply to me that they know His voice better than I do? And why should I doubt what He’s shown me and told me so many times in so many ways? Why should I believe that someone else will always get “the revelation” about my life? And why can’t I get that revelation directly from God for myself? Am I unable to approach the Throne-room of God on my own, for myself? Since the day the veil in the temple was torn from top to bottom, the day Jesus died, I had access to the Throne-room for myself.
I will seek the Lord, and He will continue to take my hand and lead me where I need to be. God knows my heart, God knows my intentions, and God knows that I only want what He wants for me, nothing else, and nothing less.
I do not hold any grudges, but my heart is sad. I should have expected this. Someone told me today that oil can only come out of olives one way – and that is, they have to be crushed. (Elder Lenore Artis)
So, let the crushing begin…..
But after the crushing, the oil that comes out is the oil of the anointing that God has placed on the inside of this dark-skinned olive.
Thank you, God for your spirit of encouragement. You promised to fulfill your Word in my life and in the life of my family. Manifest yourself today and from this moment onward.