Category: Relationships

My Graduation Celebration!

About 2 months ago one of my coworkers began to HARASS me about hosting a graduation party. I had just completed my MBA in Global Management and I was telling her how I felt as I clicked “Post” to submit a paper for the last time.

I was really NOT hearing it. A HOUSE party? At MY place? I wanted to find every excuse why I could not afford to do this. She kept coming back to me to ask: “So how are plans coming along for the party?” After I had a war in my head, I reluctantly sent out invitations.  People began to respond and my panic level began to rise.

I had to overcome my fears and insecurities as I had never opened up my home to a large group before. Thankfully I was able to pull it off this past weekend! I had THE BEST TIME! Most of my friends did not know each other so this was a great way to get all the people together who mean so much to me in one place. The love and excitement was contagious. The children/teens who came were happy to be there. My son had a BLAST!

Here are a few photos from my awesome event:

My graduation cake!
Graduation Cake! (Delicious)
Fun times!!!
Doing the Grad Walk! :)
Grad walk down the imaginary aisle….
Friends and Family!

Savior of the World….ME??

It has been a VERY LONG TIME since I posted on here; “I’ve been busy” is an understatement!

So I have a question for you: Have you ever heard of situations that others are facing and felt that you HAD TO help them? I have felt that way every time I’ve heard bad news, of a misfortune or a “problem”. This is known as the Messiah Complex; the people who show this behavior feel the need to be a savior to others.

I am very empathetic toward others, and I HATE to hear that someone is suffering for any reason, even if it is as a result of their actions or choices.   I think of ways to “rescue” the person so they do not feel pain. Maybe this is coming from feelings of pain in my past, where I had hoped that someone would come and rescue me; I am not 100% sure. Because of my empathy for others I have been gravely misunderstood by many, and I have been thought of as someone who was trying to cause trouble. I would be so confused by their reactions to my offers for help or to my expressions of help that I would withdraw.

A situation arose recently where I felt pain for one of the parties. I reasoned that the other person was extremely self-centered and did not care about the situation. As I thought about my reaction (“I HAVE to help them”) I began to probe my heart even deeper and asked myself a few tough questions:

1. Did they ask anyone for help?

2. Did they come to YOU specifically to seek counsel or advice?

3. How do you know that they do not have a plan in place to handle that situation, which you cannot see or understand from your vantage point?

4. Is it a legitimate problem or are they in immediate danger?

If the situation involves relatives it gets worse for me, and I believe that my mother’s passing over 22 years ago has made me feel “motherly” for most of my life.

Many may say “Why get involved in something that does not affect you personally?” Because it DOES affect me. It HURTS me when I see others hurting. I was preparing to take the MCATs to go to medical school, but I had to change my focus because I could not handle serious illness and death.  I would get attached to the patients as if they were family members.

I also hate to see others relive my mistakes, especially if they know my story. Why sit there and watch someone make unwise choices and not speak up? I usually compare not speaking up to knowing that a bridge is out and deciding not to alert the oncoming traffic. I’ve felt that by not waving a red flag to alert someone, I was not loving someone.

So after repeated “run-ins” with people, I am learning how to allow God to take care of them.  I mean EVERYONE.  The erring husband and his unsuspecting wife (or vice versa). The single parent who does not discipline his or her child. The unwise person who doesn’t save for the future while their personal expenses are minimal. I could go on and on…..

It will be tough for me, but I’ve decided that the best way to respond to others’ life events is to PRAY and RELEASE them to the Only One who has the power to change men’s (and women’s) hearts and minds.  God created all of us in our mothers’ wombs, and He has a blueprint for all of us. We have lessons to learn and destinies to meet. He is WELL ABLE to handle all the errors and missteps in each of our lives. Many times our “hands-on” help is NOT required.

I will pray that the erring spouse reconsiders their indiscretions and return to their marital commitment. I will pray that the parent sees the necessity in creating boundaries for their child NOW instead of demanding it when the child is older (when it’s too late). I will pray for the young employee who spends most of their money with no thought toward the future, like I did. I will pray for those who are in unfortunate situations and cannot see their way out. I will pray for those who must accept a foreclosure on their home. And I will not try to “save” ANY of them.

As I recall instances in the Bible, Jesus always asked the people who came to Him: “What do you want me to do for you?” Clearly, I am not even acting consistently with how Jesus lived His life on earth. He never lifted a finger (figuratively or literally) without a request directed at Him. One exception that comes to mind is the story of the woman at the well in Samaria (Read John chapter 4 verses 1 – 42 in the Bible.)

There are instances where I can help someone. If they come to me personally seeking guidance or advice, I can ask God to give me wisdom to know how to respond (if I should respond).  If they need food or clothing and I have the means to give, I will.

I am not Jesus Christ Incarnate.  I still have to be strong and available for my son and my grandmother. I can’t save or rescue everyone.

But GOD can. I will allow Him to do His job.

Want to Marry? Let God Choose!

Recently I have been pressing in with prayer on marriage. It is my desire to remarry and there are certain lessons I have learned recently. I would like to share them with you.

  1. God is MOST concerned about spiritual compatibility AND purpose compatibility more than anything else. If we are unequally yoked with an unbeliever or with someone whose spiritual level is different from ours then we will not make it as a couple. This is regardless of income, community status, corporate status or church status. Our purpose MUST line up as well. What were we called to do? Who are we supposed to be? With the wrong spouse in our lives we may get to our purpose but we may struggle a lot more to meet it. Or we may never do it at all. With the right person, things flow between both of you. There is an understanding and compatibility that resembles a glove that fits a hand well. Friction is at a minimum as you are both heading in the same direction. The tug-of-war feeling dissipates when the purpose of both marriage partners are aligned.
  2. Appearance and other temporal factors (such as skin tone, height, weight, earnings, education, etc.) matters more to us than it does to God. We sometimes miss God because of what we consider to be right for us. What if your perfect spouse is 5 inches taller than you and much darker than you would have preferred? What if he is a mechanic by day but a student of the Word in the evenings because he is preparing to preach the gospel? What if she doesn’t have long, flowing hair but she has creative ideas that can help you with your business? Many happily married people have stated that their spouses were right before their eyes, but until God unveiled their partner they thought he or she was just another person (or just a good friend).
  3. God does NOT need our help in finding a spouse. He does, however, need our cooperation. We need to prepare ourselves to receive who He has tailor-made just for us. This also means that our biases (racial, educational, financial, appearance, etc.) must be laid out before Him so that He can work on us. We may decide it is time to search for a spouse, so we do what we’ve always done: We get hooked up on blind dates, or we scope out the church for a brother or a sister. What I am learning is that these things can help us meet new people but we need to go to God DIRECTLY when seeking a spouse. Sometimes the person we think is right for us is not God’s best. He knows what we need. He knows WHO we need. And He knows what we need for the future. Our vision is only for the present, but God knows our entire life story and who would be best to help us fill in all the details and to share our experiences with us.
  4. Our dependence on God for a spouse shows that we trust Him fully with our lives. When we insist on finding the love of our lives, and after we do we present to Him who we chose (which is what I did the first time) then we must be willing to handle the consequences of such a decision. If we depend on God to select our mates, then He is held fully responsible for how things turn out. And trust me, if He has ANYTHING to do with it, the marriage will be a match made in Heaven! This does not mean disagreements won’t come, nor does it mean sickness or financial trouble won’t appear, but you will have such a strong foundation that you will not be shaken by what comes. And divorce won’t be on your mind, either.

Many of us surrendered our hearts to Jesus Christ to be Savior, but we will take a lifetime in allowing Him to become Lord over all aspects of our lives. Let us allow Him into this very important area, that of choosing a spouse for us.

A Word to the Men

As I reflected on several conversations I’ve had in the past with men, these insights came to me so I thought I’d put “pen to paper” on the subject.

I was recently told by a male friend that I am viewed by other men as intimidating, though sometimes I wonder why. Why is that? Is it because of the way I am willing to counter something I disagree with, whether it’s with a male or a female? I am really curious to know….

Anyway, I am digressing from my original thought. One thing I’ve discovered in speaking with men (work-related or otherwise) is that apparently women are discounted by many of them. They may never say that out loud, but I sense many times that opinions on certain issues or convictions about certain moral concerns that a woman may express may be viewed as being immature, lacking in substance or highly emotional. The way I’ve seen many of them handle women (that cause me to believe women’s opinions are discounted by them) is to try to talk her out of her beliefs or opinions, to ignore her suggestions or ideas or by ridiculing her outright (and I’ve experienced all three).

Men, I’d like you to understand this: God created woman from the rib of man, fashioning her in His image and likeness. Therefore, women are highly valued by God and receive special care from the Lord. Examples of this are demonstrated throughout the Bible, but especially within the New Testament in the Gospels’ accounts of Jesus’ ministry here on earth. Never was a woman rebuked or discounted by Him – and He is THE MAN! If ever any man should have rebuked or ridiculed women, Jesus was the best candidate for the job because He had all knowledge and all wisdom. Yet, it would have gone against His nature, as He was also all-loving and super-compassionate. Hopefully the men reading this are taking notes on Jesus’ strategy and style….

Men, whether you are interacting with your wives, girlfriends, daughters, grand-daughters, co-workers and subordinates, remember this: women have a wealth of wisdom and intuition about people and situations that was not given to most men. Men are very logical and factual, so many times the nuances of a situation may not be readily apparent to them. But with a woman in the picture, the vision, the discussion or the issue has some added ‘flavor’ that a roomful of men can never replicate.

I’ve also discovered that although society has expanded and advanced in areas of technology, knowledge, science and women’s rights we are still way behind in human relationships. Women are now as educated (or more educated) than many men, and apparently this is what intimidates many men. And that male ego again – “I don’t want anybody to make me look like a fool.” But how many men have discounted great ideas or suggestions from women, only to discover later that “She was right!!! How was that possible?”

In my working years I have always reported to men until recently. My current supervisor is actually younger than me, but she’s great. It’s easier to relate to another woman, and I find it very uncomplicated to report to her, as she values me as a fellow woman. I may not be at her level of understanding of the subjects she has mastered, but that is mainly because I was not exposed to the types of professional experiences she has had. I find that as I master a new skill she is very supportive, and if I give a great suggestion she doesn’t overpower it with her own just because she’s “THE BOSS”.

I also think men see it as a weakness to admit that a woman has made a valid point on a subject or that her opinions should be respected and even implemented! I know men hate to be disrespected, but so do women! Women desire love, attention and affection, but respect should also be high on that list. (Of course if we’re discussing a professional situation, respect should be the only item from this list that should be considered.)

But gentlemen, I respect you as long as you respect me. I honor you as long as you honor me and my perspective on life. We can “agree to disagree” on subjects too. A woman should not have to submerge her feelings, opinions, desires and convictions because the men in her life think she has nothing valid to offer. It makes women miserable to be continuously made to feel inadequate, unworthy or less than a man. I’m not saying a woman is an exact equal to a man, but she should be regarded as one who was created by God with a specialness within that only she can offer.

Children know and accept the wisdom of a mother. How about the men? Do you believe in your women?

Men, I recommend that you begin to listen to the women in your lives – professionally and personally. You will begin to discover a whole new world awaiting you, as wisdom abounds. You will also live a more harmonious life everywhere you go.

Guests At The Party

Hopefully you’ve had the chance to attend at least one really good party, one that has a lot of pleasant memories.

Just imagine with me: You walked into the best party you’ve ever been to, and you found most of the guests (in their gowns and tuxedos) serving other guests, cleaning up spills and doing things they should not have to do during an event to which they were invited.

How much different is that from us? We have walked into the best Party ever, hosted by the King of kings and Lord of lords. He has placed us at his banqueting table of love. But when He turned His back for a moment, we got up and began cleaning up the room and taking away used napkins, etc. As He turned back around from what He was doing and found us in this frenzied, unnecessary activity (the activity of worry, unnecessary planning to “make sure” something works), He frowned at us in displeasure, but gently reminded us of this:

We are the Guests at this banquet! Why are we taking on the role of paid waitresses and waiters? Why can’t we accept that God did ‘all of this’ for our redemption? For our healing and deliverance? For everything we need for both now and later?

Trust is the key to believing that all God promised is true and MUST come to pass! Believe that you will receive and you shall have it.

So, put the napkins down and rest the used utensils aside.

God has called YOU to His banqueting table. You are one of the Guests of Honor, so why concern yourself with the things that only the Host should be concerned about?

Why do you allow your troubles to force you to step in and attempt to ‘help’ God out all the time? He doesn’t NEED our help! When we think we’re cleaning up and ‘helping out’, we’re actually making a bigger mess! We’re taking on a role we were not created to do!

Really!

May God help us as we resist the urge to clean up,

Michelle.

My Heart…..

I wrote this piece in July 2007 but it is just as relevant for me today.

 

My heart is burdened now. Have you ever wished all the best for others, but you get the feeling that those same people don’t feel the same way about you?

Have you ever felt alone at a time when you ought to be excited and you should be able to share your excitement with others? Have you ever wondered what did you do for you to feel this way, how did you do what you thought you did, and so on?

Well, hey…. All I can say is, God knows me best. God has a plan for my life, no matter who or what may oppose or object. God is in control of my every move, and I make it known: I refuse to do or say anything that isn’t directed of God. I must breathe Him in; I must feel His presence near me, or I perish. I truly believe He is speaking to me even more than He’s ever spoken to me, mostly because I’m listening a lot better now.

So, where am I going? God has begun to show me bit by bit where I’m heading, and it is too awesome to describe. He’s shown me that I will have a huge impact here on earth. And I embrace that. He sent his servants here to my church two weeks ago to show me and confirm to me what I’ve felt in my spirit for so long. Things I hadn’t told a soul, God confirmed it.

So, I believe the separation issue is one where God gets a chance to be closer to me than ever before, because He’s the only One to Whom I can talk freely.

Others may think they know where I’m going, what I’m doing and why I’m doing it, but God and I are really the only ones who know. (And, in all honesty, God is the One Who truly knows. He’s only telling me stuff on a “need to know” basis.)  My calling is unique, so my path must reflect my destiny.  I must learn some lessons, meet some people, and experience some things. And God will be there all the way while I do what I need to do.

I don’t expect everyone to agree or to understand, but this is who I am; this is who I am becoming.  For many years I’ve lived in the shadow of others, seeking their approval for every step I took and for every decision I made.  I have many regrets because of this.  But now I’m heading down a unique path, so those days are over.  I must now truly “get it” on my own.  If I was not walking according to His will, He would not be speaking to me so much! He’d be telling me to repent, etc. But that is not what I am hearing….

To God be the glory, because He is using my life and will continue to use my life to bring glory to His holy name. Yesterday, Mark 11 vs. 23 and 24 caught my attention after I had a heart-to-heart discussion with Him on this subject. Then later in the day, Mark 11 vs. 22 also caught my attention. Verse 22 says, “Have faith in God.” It then discussed believing and not doubting and commanding the mountain to cast itself into the sea and it would happen. Verse 24 states, “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” I was ready to dance when I read this, but I had leave my car and go inside to work….

Now, that’s POWERFUL. And if my desire is to please the Lord in everything, big, small and in-between, then having faith in God must give me the right desires for the right things, as everything would be lining up. My will would then become His will, so my desires would become His desires towards me.

So, why should I worry that others think I’m making huge mistakes with my life? Why should I feel inadequate, thinking that I don’t know the voice of God for myself and thus allow others to imply to me that they know His voice better than I do? And why should I doubt what He’s shown me and told me so many times in so many ways? Why should I believe that someone else will always get “the revelation” about my life? And why can’t I get that revelation directly from God for myself? Am I unable to approach the Throne-room of God on my own, for myself? Since the day the veil in the temple was torn from top to bottom, the day Jesus died, I had access to the Throne-room for myself.

I will seek the Lord, and He will continue to take my hand and lead me where I need to be. God knows my heart, God knows my intentions, and God knows that I only want what He wants for me, nothing else, and nothing less.

I do not hold any grudges, but my heart is sad.   I should have expected this. Someone told me today that oil can only come out of olives one way – and that is, they have to be crushed. (Elder Lenore Artis)

So, let the crushing begin…..

But after the crushing, the oil that comes out is the oil of the anointing that God has placed on the inside of this dark-skinned olive.

Thank you, God for your spirit of encouragement. You promised to fulfill your Word in my life and in the life of my family. Manifest yourself today and from this moment onward.

High Value and Honor (Dec 2007)

 

I haven’t written in a long time (I’m usually your weekly blogger type), but I felt the need to share something that isn’t new news, but just something that stood out for me this week.

A gentleman with whom I work was discussing with his peers his complex plan to impress his girlfriend of two years with just the right diamond in the best setting he can afford. He knew from almost the beginning that she was “the one”, but he just wanted to confirm it. Over the couple of years they’ve been together, they’ve vacationed, visited relatives from both sides and added many miles to automobiles to visit each other, etc. I remember conversations where he’d say to her, “I know you want me to come over, but you’re exhausted. Why don’t you rest tonight then I’ll stop by tomorrow.” I would sigh when I heard that…..

Now do not think for a moment that I’m endorsing everything I just mentioned; it was highlighted for me to make a point. Whatever and whomever we value, we will endorse its value with our honor. We will cherish it and make sure it has the best treatment. If what we value is a person, we will give him or her the best we can offer (financially, emotionally, physically and so on). Do you know what is the best you can offer to someone else aside from your money and taking them to the best restaurants or on the best vacations? Your time and your undivided attention.

Yes, your time. Your undivided attention. Honoring and respecting someone is best demonstrated with how attentively we care for the other person’s needs. We will bend over backwards to surprise our lover or our children (or our bosses) and just to see smiles of surprise, satisfaction or excitement on their faces is enough.

The absolute best situation is when this is a two-way street. Nothing hurts more when someone values another more highly than they are valued in return. Another thing I’ve realized is this: When we love ourselves and have a lot of self-respect, it is easy to love others unselfishly. The opposite is also true. Many who do not know how to show love and how to give respect and honor on others are usually having a difficult time loving and respecting themselves. When we love unselfishly then we don’t have to be on an intense search to find this honorable love for ourselves – it will somehow come to us. I think of a magnet when I state this.

As I am healing (both inside and out), I am preparing my heart for the love that places a high value on me. Of course, God already loves me in that way, but as I heal from my previously painful life and begin to love myself as I need to do, that love will come to me; I won’t need to search for it.

I will wait.