Recently I have been pressing in with prayer on marriage. It is my desire to remarry and there are certain lessons I have learned recently. I would like to share them with you.
- God is MOST concerned about spiritual compatibility AND purpose compatibility more than anything else. If we are unequally yoked with an unbeliever or with someone whose spiritual level is different from ours then we will not make it as a couple. This is regardless of income, community status, corporate status or church status. Our purpose MUST line up as well. What were we called to do? Who are we supposed to be? With the wrong spouse in our lives we may get to our purpose but we may struggle a lot more to meet it. Or we may never do it at all. With the right person, things flow between both of you. There is an understanding and compatibility that resembles a glove that fits a hand well. Friction is at a minimum as you are both heading in the same direction. The tug-of-war feeling dissipates when the purpose of both marriage partners are aligned.
- Appearance and other temporal factors (such as skin tone, height, weight, earnings, education, etc.) matters more to us than it does to God. We sometimes miss God because of what we consider to be right for us. What if your perfect spouse is 5 inches taller than you and much darker than you would have preferred? What if he is a mechanic by day but a student of the Word in the evenings because he is preparing to preach the gospel? What if she doesn’t have long, flowing hair but she has creative ideas that can help you with your business? Many happily married people have stated that their spouses were right before their eyes, but until God unveiled their partner they thought he or she was just another person (or just a good friend).
- God does NOT need our help in finding a spouse. He does, however, need our cooperation. We need to prepare ourselves to receive who He has tailor-made just for us. This also means that our biases (racial, educational, financial, appearance, etc.) must be laid out before Him so that He can work on us. We may decide it is time to search for a spouse, so we do what we’ve always done: We get hooked up on blind dates, or we scope out the church for a brother or a sister. What I am learning is that these things can help us meet new people but we need to go to God DIRECTLY when seeking a spouse. Sometimes the person we think is right for us is not God’s best. He knows what we need. He knows WHO we need. And He knows what we need for the future. Our vision is only for the present, but God knows our entire life story and who would be best to help us fill in all the details and to share our experiences with us.
- Our dependence on God for a spouse shows that we trust Him fully with our lives. When we insist on finding the love of our lives, and after we do we present to Him who we chose (which is what I did the first time) then we must be willing to handle the consequences of such a decision. If we depend on God to select our mates, then He is held fully responsible for how things turn out. And trust me, if He has ANYTHING to do with it, the marriage will be a match made in Heaven! This does not mean disagreements won’t come, nor does it mean sickness or financial trouble won’t appear, but you will have such a strong foundation that you will not be shaken by what comes. And divorce won’t be on your mind, either.
Many of us surrendered our hearts to Jesus Christ to be Savior, but we will take a lifetime in allowing Him to become Lord over all aspects of our lives. Let us allow Him into this very important area, that of choosing a spouse for us.