Author: Michelle G Cameron

Hi! I hope you've enjoyed my posts on www.michellegcameronwrites.com. I am also the author of "It's My Life and I Live Here: One Woman's Story" and "I'm Single. Now What? 13 Steps on How to Live Single and Free." I am also the author of "The Power of Purpose: Living Your Destiny" and "Write That Book: Tips For New Authors." They are available on Amazon, B&N and everywhere that books are sold. Feel free to connect with me on Instagram at @michellegcameronllc & on Facebook at www.facebook.com/CameronMichelleG My website is www.michellegcameron.com See you again soon!

Loving ME: The Mental War

I’m an introvert; I admit it.

I spend a lot of time thinking and rationalizing things. My latest thoughts center around our perceptions of ourselves vs. the world in which we live. I’ll just get right to it so you’ll be able to see where I’m going with this.

Many of us see ourselves in a totally different light from how others view us. We may think we’re “the best of the best” but others may not agree with our assessment. The opposite is also true, and may be more common. Many of us think of ourselves in lesser terms than others think of us.

Recently I went out with a girlfriend for a late lunch and to talk. As I spoke and shared a few things about me to her, I realized that my self-awareness and personal level of impact was VERY different from what I had imagined. She shared with me how much she felt that she needed to get to know me from the first time she saw me. I sat there, quietly ashamed of the tirade on myself that I had just subjected her to a few minutes before.

You see, I’ve never seen myself as some “grand” person, wanting to be with the “in” crowd or fitting in. When I was a child I learned the hard way that I was too different to blend in, and honestly none of that has changed.  But in my quest to be “me” yet remain likable there were things about myself that I had started nitpicking at, all in an effort to “self-improve”. I think it had the opposite effect on me, as my heart and mind turned into a war zone. It was like a mental debate event where each side tries to prove that the other side is wrong.  I would look at things I didn’t like about myself and either criticize it in an effort to justify doing something about it (or to beat myself up over), or ignore or downplay GOOD things that others may mention that should make me feel better about who I am.

This ongoing mental war has had a profound effect on many aspects of my life. Whenever you tell yourself that there are limits on what you can achieve, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I’ve told myself that I “didn’t belong” in certain circles, or in the company of certain individuals because I felt odd, and honestly I told myself that I didn’t have anything worthwhile to offer them. The discomfort in breaking away from these self-imposed limits has made the mental debate now a center-stage event, as now I fight consciously against the limiting lies I’ve fed myself for years. I would look at my background (my family, etc) and my personal past and automatically disqualify myself from levels of success that I’ve never experienced before.

Being genuinely happy for others’ success has always been the fuel to my fire. Others’ hurts and celebrations always became mine because of my high level of empathy and caring for others. But here are some questions I’ve had to ask myself lately: What about my opinions on things? How do I truly feel? What about my desires and wants? Do I know what those are, or have I talked myself into saying “Whatever makes (others) happy, makes me happy.” Is that REALLY TRUE???

After my marriage failed, I purposely pushed the world away from me for a couple years in an effort to reconnect with my inner voice. I’d forgotten what I sounded like. Before that period of self-imposed isolation & reflection, there were always people calling to offer unsolicited advice or to rehash the last 3 things my ex-spouse did or said before I moved out. After a while, I realized that the baggage others were placing on me prevented me from living my new life on my terms. I even had people trying to get me to reconnect with an ex-boyfriend after they heard that my marriage had ended! (Really???) Living my life on my terms is in no way meant to minimize my personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It’s just that I loved Jesus and I loved others but did not love ME enough! I felt that others were more important than me, that their desires and opinions were more important than mine – even if they affected the quality of my life. I gave in to demanding friends and their requests. There were no boundaries. My phone rang any time of the day or night and I answered it, fully anticipating the draining conversation I was about to have.

The pain of burying my heart’s dreams and desires continued for years after until I was tired of living vicariously through everyone else. I decided to step out and go after one dream at a time, one day at a time. Some of my desires I kept to myself because others became so used to me “being there” that I saw the uselessness of informing them that things were about to change – until they changed! I published my first book in 2011, and when that happened, I started to see flickers of who I am on the inside. As I read reader reviews and as people stopped to tell me how they were impacted by its contents, it was difficult to receive at first. After a while, I graciously accepted their compliments with a simple “Thank you”.

Graduating with my MBA was definitely a HUGE life-goal for me, one that I felt to give up on many times. As I walked across the stage with my head held high, I realized that there was so much in me that was yet untapped or untouched. Even with that enormous highlight, the mental wars continued.

Now I am at the threshold of another series of changes and challenges, and I’m facing myself and saying “STOP! You CAN’T keep pushing success away just because it’s different from everything you’ve always known!” So I’m saying this to you as well. STOP saying you can’t be a success. Don’t ever say you don’t deserve recognition for a job well-done or for achieving a life goal. NEVER embrace staying where you are because it’s safe, or because that’s what others expect of you.

Expect MORE! Be MORE! Live your life passionately and to the fullest! You are unique, so your life-story is yours to tell. It won’t sound exactly like anyone else’s, and no-one else is more qualified to tell your story than YOU are. If you have a passion, a dream, a desire – GO AFTER IT!

I’m thankful to be surrounded by my great cloud of witnesses. They’re in the form of friends (who are also pursuing greatness) and mentors. My Dad is one of my main cheerleaders, and I’m thankful for that.

Find friends who are also pushing to live productive lives. You can encourage each other as you go. Allow people to offer sincere compliments to you. ACCEPT them as well! You’ve worked hard, so you deserve it!

3D book cover - imlailh

Proudly being hooded Sept 23 2012

“There’s more to come, ’cause I’m not done!” ~Michelle Cameron. How about YOU?

Are You In Danger? Pay Attention to the Signs!

This post will be very different from anything I’ve ever written before. I believe it is for someone in particular.

You may be in a relationship and you’re wondering if what you are experiencing can be classified as an abusive relationship. Here is a tip: If you are afraid to be yourself and you do NOT feel safe (even when nothing dramatic is happening), you are being abused. 

I was married before, and you can read about some of the experiences I had in my book:    “It’s My Life and I Live Here: One Woman’s Story“. There were moments when I feared being hurt physically and other moments when I felt the urge to run for my life, so this post is based on my personal circumstances in the past.

Here are some of the signs you should look for to confirm your feelings:

1. They seemed to have changed overnight. They were charming and accommodating when the relationship was new. Now that you have been together for a while or your living situation has changed (i.e. you’ve moved in together or you’ve gotten married) they seem to display a “Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde” personality.

2. Your feelings and strong convictions/beliefs are being invalidated. If you are loved, your feelings and opinions about something will not be squashed, laughed at or minimized. You will not be labeled as “over-sensitive”. Your personal beliefs and convictions will not be belittled or ridiculed.

3. You are being limited or prevented from doing things you loved to do in the past. If you always went for a run after work in the park and now that you are with them you cannot go because he (or she) is giving you a hard time consistently for any reason, pay attention.

4. You cannot see your friends and family freely. This includes being able to invite them over for visits or you going out with them or seeing them. HUGE red flag – Pay Attention!

5. You seem to know very little about who they REALLY are. When someone seems to know you much better than you know them, you are in a very vulnerable position. Being too predictable and having a “set schedule” also makes it easy for abusers to control their victims.

6. You cannot seem to meet their friends, and you have very limited interaction with their family members. If they always have an excuse on why you can never meet or hang out with their friends or why their family members never visit even when you ask, pay attention.

7. They tend to guilt-trip you into doing things against your wishes. Did you REALLY want to go to that event, or did they make you feel bad so you felt obligated to attend?

8. Every conversation or argument seems to turn against you. Are you always to blame – directly or indirectly – for something that did not turn out right? Is EVERYTHING your fault? In reality, no one particular person can be at fault for everything that goes wrong in a relationship. That would mean that the other person is perfect, and that is impossible.

9. You are punished in some shape or form for speaking your mind. This is similar to the second point listed, but it’s still different. Are you made to feel the effect of something you said to them two days ago? Do they withdraw, act out, manipulate or take away something you love because you “went against them”? Pay attention.

10. They move things around a room or a home to make you think you’re going crazy. This is termed “gaslighting“. This is an attempt to alter your perception of reality and situations so you will end up depending on them to give the “real story” of things that happen. You will ask a question because you don’t trust something that you see or hear and they will give you a very plausible answer to make you believe that your instincts are incorrect. When you fall for the bait, you find out later that you were tricked. Here is where ultimate control of an abuse victim occurs, and feelings of helplessness abound. If you find yourself wondering “Now wasn’t the sofa always in that corner, why is it here now?” or “I know I left my book here!” and they begin to make it seem that you are the person who isn’t remembering facts correctly, TAKE HEED!

11. Lying – and lying for NO seemingly apparent reason. Please note that every lie is calculated. It may seem unnecessary to lie about simple things, but the abuser’s purpose is to ensnare you!

12. There is always a threat being issued – whether to hurt you, your children or your pets, or to destroy something of value to you. When I was married I owned a beautiful truck. I gave serious pause when I was threatened and was told that my tires would be slashed or screws would be scattered on the driveway to destroy my tires. Why? Because I took away my ex’s set of truck keys because he would drive my truck on escapades without me and return it with the tank almost empty.

13. You feel as if you’re being watched, even when no-one is around. My marital home had a camera almost everywhere. I was told it was to protect us from thieves, etc. Our neighborhood wasn’t known for thefts. Eventually I realized (after watching a video recording of our driveway that ran for a few hours) that the cameras were watching ME. Don’t forget that cameras do not only “see” but they also record sounds.

14. They pick fights for no apparent reason. This behavior usually happens when they are guilty of stepping out on the relationship and want to find a way to justify the behavior. “She makes me mad all the time, so I had to cheat.”

15. You cannot seem to find the time to relax or rest. They will have you busy from sun-up to sundown while they always find the time to get away to relax. This is especially true if you have children together.

These are just a few of the signs of abuse. Whoever this is for, please do not play with this situation! Get help, and GET OUT! An abuser does not become better with time, nor do they remain passive over time. It usually starts mildly, then it gets more sinister and bewildering over time. Physical abuse always follows mental and emotional abuse.  Their main objective is to CONTROL and USE you for their purposes. Once they have you under their command, it can be difficult to break free. They will pretend to “get better” or change, especially when people they want to impress are around. Truthfully, they’ve found a better way to fool you and keep you around.

They cannot be appeased. You cannot “love them out” of abuse. They need professional help to break free from abuse, and they have to want the help themselves.

Leaving them has to be done in wisdom to ensure your safety and the safety of your children or other loved ones. Many possessive partners “snap” when the person they’ve controlled steps away from their trap.

I pray that whoever this is for will heed the warnings and move quickly to safety and sanity. God will restore any material thing you may lose in the process of leaving. TRUST GOD. He is your Provider and Protector.

Please feel free to email me at shellylove2002@gmail.com if you have any questions.

Pursuing What Counts in 2013

This blog was first launched on December 29, 2010. Two years of triumphs and tragedies have passed since then, and I am thankful that I am still here to share this special moment with you – the end of yet another year.

We’ve seen significant changes financially, spiritually, socially, in politics, and in our communities all around us. We’ve buried many children due to violence, like the recent Sandy Hook Elementary School horror in Newtown, Connecticut (USA) and Trayvon Martin’s untimely death in Florida. Some cities like Chicago, Illinois (USA) have buried over 500 people in 2012 due to violence alone. Wars have erupted in the Middle East and in other world regions as governments and regimes fight for various rights or privileges. People crush each other any moment they get a chance (on social media, in the workplace) because of the fierce competition that is now ensuing.

What about our futures? What type of world are we creating for the generations coming up behind us? Are we proud to show our children how materialistic we’ve become? Is having all the latest gadgets, clothes, shoes and cars the only way to show that we’re “really living”? Do we make the effort to extend ourselves to help others, or are we content with the “us four, no more” mentality?

When we are at work, can anyone say that we genuinely care about their well-being, even if we are managers? Or is self-preservation the name of the game?

What about our church circles? The shame and embarrassment seems unending when news is broadcasted about our issues. Are we willing at all to step aside and allow God to take full control of our private appetites so they do not boil over and become public disgraces?

We need a revival of our souls. We are thirsty and are reaching for things that will never satisfy us!

2 Chronicles 7: 14 – 15 (NKJV, Holy Bible) states:
“….if My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land. 15 Now My eyes will be open and My ears attentive to prayer made in this place.”

I have such a spiritual hunger and thirst deep within me now that I cannot truly explain. I’m at a place in my life now where dressing in the latest labels and designs are a nice-to-have and is not required. Driving the latest model car means nothing to me now; I’ve done that twice before. Living in the “right” zip-code means very little; I’ve done that before too. What I NEED, more than anything else, is more of GOD. He speaks to me in the small things and in the big things. His care is evident. His love is precious. He speaks to my soul in ways I cannot describe adequately. Dreams, desires and ministries are birthed when we submit our lives into His hands.

As we embark on a new journey that begins in just a few hours (less than 12 hours), let us stop the busyness, step away from our electronic devices for some time and give God our undivided attention. He longs to commune with us. His presence gives us unexplainable peace of mind. His presence brings divine revelations on how to proceed in our lives. His love envelops us and heals us of past hurts and disappointments. These are not just cute sayings; these are REAL results when we stay and pray. Meditation on the Bible is vitally important in growing and developing us as living examples. Reading biblically-grounded books help as well. Take notes as you meditate, read and reflect. Allow God to push you into your next place of blessing (or testing).

I want to worship God with ALL my heart, mind, soul and spirit. I want to worship Him as I approach a new year with new challenges and new blessings.

Will you join me?

I wish a Happy, Healthy and Prosperous 2013 to you and your families!

Merry Christmas!!!!

Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year! I LOVE the songs, the movies, the food, the laughter and happy memories that the season brings. People also seem to be kinder and more patient during this time.

As the years have gone by and different circumstances have occurred, my level of celebration has changed, but I haven’t forgotten what Christmas really means. When I cannot taste the wonderful dishes (because I’m sick at home this year), or hear laughter, I treasure the beautiful memories that were created many years ago that still make my heart shine.

I watched my son open his gifts last night, and the wonder and excitement (and his gratefulness) made it all worthwhile. Are we as thankful today for what God did for us on that first Christmas? Jesus was sent here on earth in the form of a baby, a human! That aspect alone is a miracle, something that our finite minds cannot grasp.

The fact that Jesus willingly chose to go through what we go through (natural birth, growth from a baby into an adult) and went as far as dying like a common criminal on a cross is enough for me. All that gives meaning to my life has already happened before today. I am a believer in Jesus Christ because of what God did at Christmas!

MERRY CHRISTMAS to all of you and your families. Enjoy the special times and memories with your children and other family members. Hug and love on them as much as possible.
Also remember those who are not as privileged; some are incarcerated, others are in hospitals, nursing homes or hospice. Some buried loved ones recently. Many are lonely today. If you know any of these people, please stop by and let them know that you care. It means a LOT when others know how much they mean to you.

Blessings to all,

Michelle Cameron

“This Is A GOD-Thing!”

“I’m thankful that my life-journey was not designed by me. This isn’t a self-promoting gimmick. This is a GOD-thing & I won’t apologize for it.”

This is a post I shared on social media after having an interesting experience earlier today. I was told by someone whom I considered a friend and who knew me intimately that “You like your name in lights. I’m not like that.” I believe that the Holy Spirit made me SHUT UP because I would typically GO IN on comments like that.

I realize that not everyone understands the motives behind the message. But if you’ve read my life-story “It’s My Life and I Live Here: One Woman’s Story” you would realize that “having my name in lights” is the LAST thing I’d ever want to do! I would be VERY comfortable with sitting in the background somewhere, watching everyone else and applauding and supporting others from behind the scenes. But God had other ideas, and because I trust His plans for me, I am getting with His program.

I knew that God cautioned me in my spirit about this person before; now I know that what He showed me is NOT my imagination. God’s Word doesn’t lie, folks: “for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.” Matthew 12:34b KJV

Let’s realize that our lives are not ours. If someone else criticizes you and you know that your motives are in line with God’s Word, step aside and allow God to fight your battles. He promotes and elevates whom He desires. Remember that if we speak out against what God is doing in the lives of others, we will have to live with the consequences for doing so.

I am determined more than ever to live my life ON PURPOSE, for PURPOSE.

My Vacation in JAMAICA!!!!

I am BACK!

I disappeared for six days to the lovely island of Jamaica, which also happens to be my country of origin. I had not been there for 8 years and I was happy to have the opportunity to return and see familiar sights (and faces) after such a long break. I decided to do something different. I visited the Northern side of the island. It was my first time in Montego Bay, which is close to where my father came from. I met some wonderful people there.

We (my son and I) stayed at a beautiful resort with wonderful employees. This is one of those times that I wish I was financially able to do more. I wanted to tip every person who went out of their way to make my stay as amazing as it was.

Here are some of the sights:

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One of my aunts arranged an event for me to speak to women of various backgrounds about my book (It’s My Life and I Live Here: One Woman’s Story). Many of the women were teachers, but some were also homemakers. Most of them were married. One was a woman living with HIV. Some of them cried as I shared my story; many of them understood EXACTLY what I shared, as some are struggling in their marriages. They asked me to come back to speak to the younger women. I pray that God allows me to return to share with them soon:

I learned so much from interacting with these women. I am thankful for this opportunity. My aunt made the arrangement possible:

The rest was needed, but the refreshing moments that meant the most to me was when I met these wonderful women. I look forward to hearing more about the impact that my book will make on my island home, JAMAICA!

Music…..

I have NEVER written about music from this perspective before, so here it goes…..

I. LOVE. MUSIC. End of story. I have heard many different types and genres of music everywhere – on the radio, in the malls, on movies, etc. but I never gave it more than a passing thought – until recently. I have a new set of friends who are heading in the same direction as I am (in their life goals, spiritual choices, etc.) and I realize that our music preferences are quite different. I can instantly tell you why: It’s all based on how we were raised or what we experienced up to this point.

If you read “It’s My Life and I Live Here: One Woman’s Story” you learned about my Pentecostal, ultra-conservative upbringing. We (me and my 2 younger sisters) weren’t allowed to wear pants until I was 12 or so, and even then we couldn’t wear them on the streets. When we relocated to the United States we were allowed to wear them because we would FREEZE in the winter otherwise, but we continued to wear them in the summer. We are now fine with that, I think.

Then I faced horrible acne in my late teens. For years no-one offered or thought of make-up. (Yes, that is true.) After some time I realized I wasn’t going to burn in hell for wearing it and sought a remedy for the self-esteem hits I was taking without make-up.

Then it went on to wearing jewelry. We were not allowed to wear jewelry, but I ALWAYS admired those who did. They seemed more beautiful to me. So one day, I took the courage to go to the mall with my youngest sister and had my ears pierced. I was 35. Yes, this happened fairly recently. One day my grandmother looked at me and asked why did I resort to wearing jewelry after not doing so for most of my life? She thought that it shouldn’t have happened. My response was this: “Wearing jewelry has not changed my relationship with God in any way, so I have no issues wearing it. ” In fact, I feel beautiful when I am fully made up, wearing beautiful accessories and a nice dress (I LOVE dresses)!

You may wonder what does all of what I said have to do with music? I’ll tell you now. As I mentioned earlier, I have been meeting some powerful, saved people who LOVE God and listen to music that isn’t considered “church” music. My entire musical experience has only been Christian music – whether it’s Contemporary Christian, Gospel, R&B, reggae, jazz, you name it, it’s all Christian. So when I had my graduation party a few weeks ago and my friends offered their music for the event, I was able to silence the mental battle and play what they had in their repertoire. And guess what? We had SO MUCH FUN! It was interesting, because I would ask “Who’s singing now?” almost every time a song came on, because I am THAT clueless about music that isn’t church music. When they gave me the history, the background, etc. I felt like I was in a foreign land, much like when I first came to the United States in 1988.

Since that event I have been wrestling with my thoughts on music. (I am VERY analytic by nature.) Will I shut down God’s voice if I listen to other types of music besides what I’ve known all these years? Will it affect my relationship with God (or any other area of my life) or cause me to compromise in any way? I will tell you why I struggle with this situation. Music has the power to change the atmosphere of a place quicker than anything else. I am cautious because I’ve heard horrors about music being played in reverse with subliminal messages that push people to commit crimes or to dabble in the occult, etc. I am also cautious because whatever I listen to becomes part of me. Music does that to me EVERY time. Because one of my acquaintances loves to listen to Jill Scott’s “Golden” and I hear it often, it’s one of my mental “girl” anthems now. “Golden” is now part of who I am. (LOL…)

So I debate on if I should begin to assimilate other types of music into my current repertoire. The jury is still out on this one, but for now, I’m not as hesitant (as I was in the past) to listen to something different from what I’ve heard all my life. I am careful however, because I am not quick to listen to “Turn the lights down low, etc” types of music at this stage in my life. I am single and abstinent (until marriage) and I believe that what I listen to will have a direct effect on where my mind goes, which will make abstinence that much harder to live out and do. I believe that regardless of what’s on my Pandora, in my iTunes or on my CD player, it must be uplifting, encouraging, empowering and NEVER degrading.

As I decide where I will go with this one, I’d love to hear your thoughts.