Classified! (Sept 2007)

I’ve been classified.

Please allow me to explain….

I am not your typical woman. I have a strong personality, yet I am quiet for the most part. Independent and cautious; inquisitive and caring. (Quite a combination!)

I will do things and say things from my heart with the best of intentions, yet be misunderstood and CLASSIFIED.

Classification is a very confining thing; its purpose is to pigeonhole you into someone else’s thoughts or definitions of who you are, how you think, what you do, how you do what you do, and WHY you are the way you are.

For much of my life I’ve been misunderstood. I’m not popular and I don’t have a large following. This used to bother me, but not any more. I have been told I tend to intimidate others – I am still not sure why that is the case, but I’m coming to accept that I am just different.

So when I am kind to you, when I offer you favors, when I try to accommodate, don’t think I’m trying to get something from you. My heart is really in the right place. I commune with God daily, several times a day. My mind is made up that I’ll serve God until I die. My testimony is clean, but if you don’t know me very well you may think otherwise. I’m beginning to understand that the spirit of discernment is not present in many lives, even in the lives of many in ministry. We will call the good bad, and the bad, good. We gravitate to what is flashy, what gets the most votes and what is most popular. But how about what is kinda off-beat, and what doesn’t seem very “normal” or usual? Could God be involved in that? Or not?

I think of Jeremiah many times. My plan is to begin a study on his life to understand what he endured as a prophet of God. He was soundly rejected by almost everyone he was sent to prophesy to. He was abused for what he was sent by God to share with the Israelites. And this went on for years!

Then I reflect on the life of Jesus. He was only understood by his disciples, and even one of them betrayed Him. In fact, all except John deserted Him in His lowest moment – His crucifixion. John took Jesus’ mother home with him when Jesus commended her into his care.

So my thought is this: If I’m being labeled and rejected, I’m in good company already, just listing those two names. Actually, Jesus is my Savior, so just reflecting on His life alone puts me in great company. It’s tough when those who you wish could see your heart see something else……

I cried throughout the entire Sunday service about it. I just couldn’t stop…. The tears just kept on coming. I know God has great plans for my life, so I just have to keep walking circumspectly, keep my heart clean, my eyes open, my mind pure and my hands ready to do His will and His work.

As I walk this path, I realize I’m being prepared for something bigger than I’ve ever experienced. Loneliness is the way of preparation, as you must do self-evaluation, cultivate a close relationship with God and doing only what He desires and not what I want or what the crowd wants.

So, here I surrender my mind, my heart, my soul and my spirit into His hands. Do what You wish, dear Lord. And show the world that I belong only to You. I want to be a beacon of light that guides others into Your Kingdom.

Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done.

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