I was a wife before.
Now that I am single again, I realize that I was not prepared to be a wife the first time. I have spent the last few years preparing for my future husband. Here are some of the ways that I’ve been preparing:
I faced the pain I experienced because of my failed marriage and divorce. I also took responsibility for my role in its failure. This meant that I had to evaluate each situation that occurred, and realize that we both made choices that caused the marriage to fail. This was the beginning of my long road to healing.
I sought godly counsel from experienced leaders, and I also sought professional counsel. This was an important step in preparing for my future. I had to process the events that occurred in my past to understand where I went wrong (and why I made those choices) so I would not make the same mistakes again. I also learned not to own issues that did not belong to me, as some things that happened were not my fault and I had to accept that. I also read (and re-read) many Christian-based books on preparing for marriage, including “Can You Do It Standing Up: A Different Position on Relationships” by Kenny Pugh. Reviewing books I read in the past has been very helpful, as I look at the information now with a fresh perspective and a healthier mindset.
I stayed single. This means that I did not get involved in a relationship during my time of emotional healing and heart-mending. I thought I needed to be involved with men a time or two, but God stepped in and ended potential disasters immediately.
I began to journal. My journaling started as an open diary of sorts on social media. As my readers commented on my posts, I became encouraged and my emotional burdens began to ease. After many requests, my posts evolved into my first published book where I shared many of the lessons I learned.
I have a mentoring couple in my life. I was blessed two years ago when I was assigned as a mentee to a happily married couple with adult children. They have been married for about 50 years, and they relate to me well. The wife and I have a special relationship. We are both busy, but we make an effort to greet each other weekly (we attend the same church) and update each other on special milestones and celebrations. I am blessed.
I discovered who I was. I lived most of my life based on what I was told, or based on what was expected of me. These expectations even affected how I wore my hair and how I selected my wardrobe. As I learned what mattered to me (regardless of others’ opinions) I discovered the REAL me, which was TRUE FREEDOM! It was refreshing to unveil my true self, who was unknown to most of us, including me! I am now more in-tune with my emotions, my boundaries, my likes and dislikes, and what I truly desire in my future mate.
I am taking better care of my body. I am making an intentional (and meticulous) effort to take care of my appearance and grooming. It matters how you look every time you leave your home! I am also making an effort to eat more healthily than I used to. I am still working on exercising consistently. (sigh) I plan to maintain these habits even after marriage, as it is important to maintain visual appeal and I want to live a long, healthy life. 🙂
I am now more open to learning and embracing new things (and new people). Going out to meet new people, seeking to understand different perspectives and embracing new experiences makes life richer! This level of activity also opens the door to meeting eligible single men who may be like-minded. You never know where that can lead! :))
With consistent prayer, Scripture reading and meditation added to the steps outlined above, I am preparing for that special day when I will stand at the altar before God, my new husband and witnesses, and say with full assurance “I Do.”